The mall at the end of the universe
by Queen of Nutism
Summary: What happens when the futurama crew take a visit to planet consumerwhore 6? Well here's a hint, Fry discovers the world's biggest food court, Leela bumps into Zapp whilst launching his new range of lingerie and Bender discovers a kleptomaniacs paradise. C
1. Default Chapter

**The Mall at the end of the universe**

A/N: Ok, this is my second attempt at a futurama fan fic, the first I haven't finished coz I am stuck so if anyone has any ideas please read my other fic (this isn't meant to be shameless self promotion) the long lost brannigan and email me if you have any ideas for future instalments of the story, I will credit everyone if I post their story, maybe it will turn into one of those mass effort style things, anyway here is the story, I know its not great but hopefully you will like it, oh and please forgive me if there are a lot of mistakes but I am currently in France and using a French keyboard which is quite different from an English one. So…enjoy!

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Opening Credits

Everyone is sitting around the meeting room table. Amy is painting her toe nails, Bender is reading a playbot magazine and smoking a cigar, Hermes is frantically going through a 3ft pile of documents and stamping them vigorously, Zoidburg is trying to start a conversation but no one wants to talk to him and Fry is talking to a pissed-off looking Leela.

"But Leela, I just asked what you did with him, not what you did with him after he came back to your apartment and had sex with you."

"Forget it Fry, neither you nor anyone else for that matter has any business discussing my personal life."

"I knew it!" Fry says jumping up from the table. "You did sleep with him!" Fry points an accusing finger at Leela.

"You did? But Leela, you guys only went out on one date! You can't sleep with him after just one dinner, one movie and one expensive gift. You have to milk him for all it's worth! Unless…you guys went to a French restaurant, saw Eyes Wide Shut 2 and he gave you lingerie," Amy looks up from her red toe nails.

"Yeah Leela, no use trying to deny it, we all know what happens after people see movies like Eyes Wide Shut 2," Bender says matter-of-factly not looking up from his magazine.

"Deny what! You guys are the ones putting the words right in my mouth!" Leela says angrily.

"At least it's _us _putting _words _in your mouth not that guy putting something else in your mouth, like Bender said, people who don't have sex after seeing Eyes Wide Shut 2 have to be really unlucky," Fry says and Zoidburg begins to cry.

"Fry that's disgusting and plus for your information the movie was Eyes Wide Shut 3," Leela says huffily crossing her arms across her chest.

But before Fry can open his mouth to retort the professor walks into the room.

"Bad news and good news everyone."

"Oooo! Oooo! The bad news first, that way when we hear the good news it seems even gooder!" Fry says

"There's no such word as "gooder" Fry you idiot," Leela says. But Fry ignores her and keeps talking.

"…or is it the good news first so that you know the good news already in case something bad happens just then, like space aliens coming and invading and if you heard the good news first it means that you'd die thinking about good things coz if you heard the bad news first you'd might die thinking bad things…" Fry trails off confused. Leela rolls her eyes.

"The bad news is that I can't find my glasses," the professor scratches his chin.

"Try your head dumbass!" Bender calls from the other end of the table. The professor goes to feel his forehead.

"Why what an astronomical coincidence that that's the last place I remember having them!"

"So what's the good news professor?" Fry asks eagerly.

"The good news is now that I have my glasses back I can read this piece of paper that says what your next delivery will be," the professor beams.

Everyone groans except Zoidburg who jumps up making one of those funny noises he makes and knocks over Amy's bottle of nail polish all over the table as well as Amy.

"Zoidburg you idiot! Those were my favourite pants! They came all the way from Consumerwhore 6!" Amy yells then curses in Chinese.

"But Amy, you have 12 pairs of pants like those," Leela says.

"Yeah but these were my favourite ones, plus now I only have 11 pairs."

"Well lucky for you Amy that your next delivery is to the planet Consumerwhore 6," the professor says clapping his hands together.

"Really! Great! I've been meaning to do some shopping, I still have $2000 left on this month's credit card limit!" Amy exclaims happily.

"You mean you spend more than $2000 a month shopping? Leela asks raising her eyebrows.

"Well duh! Looking this cute doesn't come cheap you know. Some of us are willing to spend money in order to look good, you should really do some more shopping Leela, then maybe you'll look as cute as me!" Proclaims Amy.

Leela scolds at her then looks down at her feet, "well I suppose I could use some new boots, these ones are getting kinda old."

"You stupid humans and your consumer goods! When will you realise that money and possessions aren't everything, look at Zoidburg, he's got nothing, ugly, dirt poor, no chance of finding love but is he crying?" Bender says.

"Yes," says Fry.

"Good point, no one wants to be a loser like Zoidburg. So when are we leaving? I hear Consumerwhore 6 has everything a classic kleptomaniac could want and more!"

"I need to buy some more ink for my stamps, so I'll come too," Hermes says whilst trying to use the last of the ink by forcefully stamping the stamp causing the table to shake.

"And Zoidburg can come too, apparently all doctors for humans now need a stethoscope, I don't know what it's for but hey! Maybe I can buy one of those alien brides too, they're on sale this week, only $19.95 for a bride from Neptune," Zoidburg says.

"Excuse me, but could some one actually tell me what this planet is?" Fry asks.

"It's the mall planet, duh!" Amy says

"The planet used to be a national park until they deforested it, concreted it over and made it the universe's biggest mall," says Leela. "It opened in the year 2675 after they kicked all the hippies off the planet, though apparently there are still some living in the carpark."

"Stupid hippies! They thought that they could relive the craziness of the flower power revival number #14, well I'll tell you something for nothing, nothing beats those years, oh yeah baby…" Bender reminisces.

"So what are we delivering professor?" Leela asks.

"A crate a 25 000 coat hangers."

"Why don't they just make them there rather than importing them from Earth?" Fry asks.

"Because on Earth they can employ Hispanic robots to do it for 10 cents a day."

"Hey Bender aren't you Mexican?"

"Damn straight and proud of it too! Those dirty bastards barely pay my mother and sisters enough money to keep the men drunk! That's why I came to New New York, to make a life for myself," Bender looks away emotionally. "Some day I'll steal you an immigration visa mamma," Bender turns back to the group. "Well what are you jerk wads staring at, get your lazy asses on the ship!"

"Hey, I'm the captain and I'm the one who'll say when we're leaving," Leela gets up from the table. "Ok you lazy bums I wanna see that crate on the ship in no less than 10 seconds, got it?"

* * *

Later on board the ship:

"So Fry, have you decided what you want to buy yet?" Leela turns around on her chair to look at Fry.

"I dunno, I wouldn't mind some new cds."

Everyone on the ship turns to look at Fry curiously.

"C-what?" Bender asks.

"Fry, they stopped manufacturing cd's in the year 2107 when everyone had a computer and downloaded music instead. CD prices had gone really high so no one was buying them anymore, the last one ever made was by Pelvis Presley," Leela says in her usual explanatory way.

"Pelvis…Presley?" Fry looks at her curiously.

"Don't you know anything Fry? Pelvis Presley was the king," Amy says matter of factly.

"You mean _Elvis _Presley, right?"

"Who?"

"Never mind."

"Pelvis Presley is the king of robot rock and roll. He had so many great songs, blue iron shoes, viva Obersei Chromei 9…oh man is he great," Bender says.

"But, but, those were all songs of my time just with different words!"

"Get real Fry! No one could be as good as Pelvis Presley. Everyone knows that he was _the _king, pretty unfortunate death though…" Bender's voice drifts off.

"Let me guess, he committed suicide…in his bathroom," Fry says.

Bender wipes a tear away, then does a pelvic thrust in honour of the musician, "we salute you oh great and mighty Pelvis!"

"Ok, we're here," Leela says.

We see a futuristic looking planet with masses of intertwining escalators and buildings marked with the items of which they specialise in. There's a big 5 story building made out of children's building blocks and we can hear masses of crying children, this being the toy department. We then cross over to the other side of the planet where we can see a giant pink building with a large purplish cloud hanging over it, there is a big sign saying it is the cosmetics department.

Fry gets up from his chair and looks out the ship's window.

"Woah, there must be at least 2 million other ships looking for a car park here," he exclaims.

"Quit exaggerating Fry the place only has enough space for 500 000 ships," Leela says.

Fry is about to say something in return to Leela's comment but something catches his eye.

"Yo, Leela, isn't that the guy you slept with?"

"For the last time Fry, I didn't sleep with my date last night, so would you just leave it!" Leela retorts angrily.

"I'm not talking about your date last night, I mean that other guy, you know, the dude, who did the stuff, then he said this and you guys had sex," Fry says.

"Fry, what the hell are you talking about?" she asks.

Bender walks over to where Fry is standing, and Fry points at something out the window.

"Hey yeah Leela it is that guy you slept with," Bender says.

"Who! I haven't slept with anyone!"

"Yeah you did, you know, that guy who put is in prison, the one that nearly got us killed by those Amazon women, you know the one that blew up DOOP head quarters?" Bender says.

"Zapp…Brannigan?" Leela asks with a tinge of disrespect in her voice.

"Yeah that's the one, looks like he's going to be here today promoting his new line of clothing," Fry says to Leela.

"Zapp Brannigan…clothing line? What the hell is making?" Leela asks.

"Well the billboard says "Come and meet the man behind the new range of seductive lingerie, Zapp Brannigan will make an in store appearance this weekend to promote his new line of intimates," Bender reads out.

"Oh good lord!" Leela claps her hand to her head.

* * *

"OK everyone remember where we parked, burgundy, row Y32, space 7162," says Leela locking the ship.

The group make there way over to and entrance on there way passing an alien family.

"…how much did you spend! What the hell? Where the fuck did I put my keys?" yells an angry looking alien with 7 eyes and purple skin.

"Honey I'm sorry I didn't lock the keys in the car on purpose, it was an accident. Algzorha! Get back here right now young lady! Where is your brother? You what! You lost your brother! How? Where did you last see him? He what! Get here right now!" yells a female version of the angry male alien.

"But mum, I didn't mean to, he slithered away, I was looking at make-up and…"

"Since when has she been wearing make up? Get in the car right now! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? WHO DINTED MY SHIP! That's it we're leaving!"

"But remember dad, mum locked the keys in the ship and we have to find Blorg first," the young alien girl added innocently. Suddenly the male alien collapses and starts shaking and crying calling out "I never want to come shopping again!"

"Wow, I never realised how stressful going shopping can be," exclaims Fry.

"Yeah, they even have a shrink that wanders around the car parks here for people find it all too much to handle," Leela says.

The group walk through the entrance way and take an escalator about 3 miles long, looking around on either side of them are masses of shops selling everything and anything, we cross over to a knife shop where that robot that always stabs people is searching for a new stabbing knife.

"This one is good, easy on the hand with the gel grip, but I prefer a sharper blade," he says carefully examining the knife.

"Well we have this one just in, from slash&dash, it's still got the same gel grip but with a sharper blade plus promises not to get stuck in the body so you can quickly get away after the crime is done," says a store clerk presenting the robot with another knife.

We cross back to the group where they are listening to a voice over welcoming them to the planet.

Voice over: Welcome to Consumerwhore 6, the planet with all your consumer and compulsive needs. Today Zapp Brannigan will be making a special guest appearance in our lingerie department to promote his new range of intimates "love Zap" today at 2pm" And remember, we like our shoppers to stay happy so for those who just love to shop Consumerwhore 6 has a special service desk where you can mortgage your house in order to keep shopping happily, located in department B27 floor 39, have a nice day, and remember, here at Consumerwhore 6, we're all materialistic and shallow!

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A/N So how did you like that? I know it wasn't really good and it's a bit long but I'm bored and I have the time, please review me, give me tips, tell me what you think. The next instalment we'll get to see some Zapp Brannigan (he's my favourite character), also how will Zoidburg go finding his sale bride? What will happen when Fry discovers the universes biggest food court? Will Leela run into Zapp? Will Amy succeed in trying to make Leela look cute (well not quite as cute as herself but…) and how much can Bender steal? Next chapter should be up in a few days hopefully, providing I get some feedback. Also, any suggestions for a better title would be appreciated!

Nat Muffinz nn


	2. Chapter 2

Ok, admittedly a few days turned into a few months but I was in the land of oh so much _les_ _fromages sexuelles _yes, I did just refer to cheese as sexual…moving right along. But I didn't purposefully ignore this fic, I've been trying to think of something really good to write but I can't so I'll just do my best. Thank you to all my reviewers OMFG :noogies: I didn't actually think I'd get any reviews so you should all be pleased, you've inspired me to write more, that and I'm procrastinating, why do biology when Futurama is soooo much more entertaining. Well I'll shut up now, enjoy!

* * *

"Oh man I'm hungry! I could eat an elephant," groans Fry clutching his stomach

"Lucky for you there's a super combo deal today on at KFG," says Bender pointing at an overhead banner.

"…Buy one African Elephant burger combo today and up-size your regular fries and slurm to 'obesity-fuelling, artery-blocking' size free…" reads Fry drooling. "Alright! I'm so there, you coming Bender?"

"Well…ok, but only if we can go to the Sexatorium afterwards. I need to…visit someone," Bender says slyly.

"Ok, then let's go! Wait, I know what _KFC _stands for but what does _KFG _stand for?" Fry asks curiously.

"Kentucky Fried _Game, _Duh!" says Amy flipping her hair. "They're the only fast food outlet in the universe that catches endangered African wildlife and fries it true Kentucky style."

Fry shrugs his shoulders. "I've always wanted to try elephant." Fry and Bender head in the direction of the food hall.

"Now hold on just one minute, if we all go off in different directions we'll never find each other again, I think we should have a meeting spot," Leela puts her hands on her hips but Fry and Bender had already headed off in the direction of an elevator in the shape of a banana going up to the food hall.

"Get off me ya big fat lobster!" Hermes yells pushing Zoidburg. "I already told ya I don't have any money!"

"But how will I be able to pay for my bride from Neptune?" Zoidburg asks disappointed.

"You're not actually going to _buy _one of those are you? How can you spend your life with someone you don't love? And plus most of them just end up running away after they've brought over their whole family and the next thing you know you've lost everything, even your pants!" Leela exclaims.

"Well lucky for Zoidburg he doesn't have any pants for his future illegal bride to take. But I can't afford a real bride," Zoidburg sighs slumping down on the ground.

"If I give you $20 will you go away and stop standing near me? You smell like you've been living in the dumpsters mon!" Hermes holds his nose and pulls out a $20 bill.

"Oh and what a dumpster!" exclaims Zoidburg taking the money and making that funny whooooop-woop-woop-woop noise as he scuttles off.

"Well, I'm off to find some new manila folders, I hear they have them in semi-tone beige this year!" says Hermes getting excited.

"Well I guess it's just you and me Leela, I know exactly where I'll take you, we need to get you out of those horrible pants, and that lipstick…so out of date not to mention your hair colour…"Amy continues mumbling pulling Leela by the arm towards a set of automatic doors beyond which lie thousands of make up and beauty stands.

* * *

Fry and Bender exit the elevator shaped like a banana and Fry begins to drool. Bender's mouth drops, well, looks like it does. The make their way past the different stands and stores selling various kinds of food.

"Oh your God!" Bender says looking over at a cooking demonstration. "It's Elzar!"

"Who?" Fry asks.

"You know Elzar, he was my inspiration when I discovered my hidden talent for cooking."

"Oh…yeah I remember," Fry says trying to cover up the gurgling sound his stomach was making.

The two of them walk over to the stall well Elzar is cooking what looks like slug crossed with a purple pig.

"You see people, the trick with Slug-hogs is to rip out their intestines and let them simmer in the juices for about 20 minutes, this gives it extra flavour not to mention a new texture with all that already digested food. Next you have to…HEY YOU!" Elzar points a knife at Bender "I know you, you're the guy who didn't pay that time at the restaurant, when you brought in all your kids, hey, hey come back here!" Elzar calls out after Bender and Fry who are running towards the KFG.

The KFG store has a giant red bucket on top of it just like KFC does but the bucket is filled with the rotting carcasses of exotic African animals.

"Woah! They have everything here! Even…li…li…li-ons! Wow! I don't even know what that is but it sure sounds good!" Fry's eyes widen. "I'll have to go visit this Africa place someday, wherever it is. Hey Bender, how do you think they get all these animals all the way over here?"

"Why the hell would I know, they're probably all orphans from the NUSSR that they flavour with zebra flakes, now let's eat."

The scene moves over to a space behind the store where the walls are lined with cages holding skinny looking children. An equally skinny, pimply teenager carrying a whip is herding in a group of children. The children are whispering things to each other in a language that sounds like Russian.

"Hey, you!" the teenager tries to say sternly although his voice is obviously breaking. "Less talking and more marching, I thought you were all had refugee ancestors, marching along in front of someone with a whip should be second nature to you all!"

The children all fall silent. The scene crosses back to the front of the store.

"Hi, how can I help you?" an alien with braces asks Fry.

"Hmmmm, well, I'd like…erm…" Fry scratches his head.

"Hey Fry, move it, some of us don't have all day," Bender shoves Fry to one side.

"Um yeah I'd like a bucket of ostrich wings, extra crispy…"

"What's your biggest, cheapest meal?" Fry asks keenly.

"That would probably be our spare ribs, it's mainly just leftovers from the skinnier children…ahem…animals," the sales woman said swiftly.

"I'll take it!" Fry exclaims happily.

* * *

The scene crosses over to Bender and Fry sitting down at a table with mounds of food in front of them. Fry's pants have suddenly exploded open and a button flies across the room hitting Elzar in the eye, he then misses the slug-hog he's cutting up and cut's into his finger instead but naturally Fry and Bender are completely oblivious to all the commotion they've just caused.

"Ohhhhhh, I'm so full! I've never eaten so much in my life," Fry groans trying to lift himself out of his chair with great difficulty.

"Excuse me sir, but I noticed you're having trouble standing up, may I suggest trying Consumerwhore 6's free paddling service?" A man in a gold and white suit comes over to Fry and Bender clutching what appears to be a large wooden paddle.

"Hey pal, we don't need your fat ass to get our fat asses out of a chair!" Bender responds angrily trying to get out of his chair and challenge the man. "On second thoughts…" The man walks over to Bender and pries him out of the chair using the wooden paddle. He then does the same to Fry.

"Woah, this place is great, back in the 20th century if anyone came towards you with a paddle it meant they were angry coz you'd dropped their pizza on the ground but went ahead and sold it to them anyway, either that or they'd grab a crowbar and use it to…"

"Stupid lousy men in their stupid sparkling suits, it's degrading, robots don't need human aid for anything, we can do everything just as well as humans, even better, as a matter of fact we were designed to help you stupid lazy sacks of crap not the other way round. How dare he insult me by trying to…" Bender curses angrily.

"Hey Bender isn't that the dude that Leela slept with?" Fry pointed over to Zapp Brannigan and Kiff heading towards a set of glass doors in the women's lingerie department. "He thinks he's soooo great with his stupid range of oh-so-soft and sensual velour underwear! Well I'll show him, I'll design my own range of underwear, yeah, that's what I'll do, bubble-wrap underwear, everyone loves bubble-wrap, then maybe Leela will appreciate my true creative qualities."

"…stupid humans with their underwear…"Bender ignores Fry and continues to mumble under his breath. The pair head inside after Zapp Brannigan.

* * *

Ok, yes that was sucky but it was kind of a connection and I wasn't quite sure of what to write for that bit, but the next chapter is gonna be up really soon coz I actually have ideas for that one. If anyone has any plot line suggestions for this chapter I'd really, really appreciate it. I don't care if you hate this chapter coz I don't really like it either. But I'm working on this next one and it will be up soon, promise! Next chapter will be at Zapp's lingerie launch. Yay! XD 


	3. Chapter 3

Ok, like promised here's chapter 3, now hopefully it'll be better than the last chapter, that was just painful, sorry you all had to read that but I had to put something up. So basically this is gonna be a heavy Zap chapter coz Zapp is, well he doesn't really need a description. So yes enjoy, keep reviews coming, and thank you to everyone who reviewed, like I said before it's what made me keep writing…yes me, the serial one chapter wonder is submitting a third chapter! shock horror anyway I'll shut up so I don't kill you all of boredom before you've even started reading.

* * *

"Amy, this really doesn't suit me, I look stupid," Leela says coming out of a change room. Amy wrenches open the pink curtains to reveal Leela wearing a tracksuit exactly like Amy's.

"Don't be so self-critical Leela, it looks fine, we want to make you look cute, those clothes you have now are too…masculine," Leela frowns as Amy continues on with more criticisms on Leela's dress sense. "…you need to look feminine, fun, flirty you know, no wonder your date last night didn't sleep with you, I mean, just look at that eye shadow, ugh, all wrong."

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe I don't want to look 'feminine, fun and flirty?' And for your information?" Leela says matter of factly putting her hands on her hips.

"I knew it!" Amy leaps in the air. "You _are_ gay! I knew right from the moment I met you, that's why you keep turning Fry down, no one is _that_ cruel to someone who really likes them. But why didn't you just tell me? And why did you sleep with that starship captain Zap Brannigan? Ooooo, the lingerie show is starting in 10 minutes, put your clothes back on and lets go, though maybe you're not interested in lacy lingerie, or maybe you just wanna come and see the models!"

"What! That's ridiculous, I'm not gay! And I'm not _cruel_ either, I just don't like Fry in that way, that's all," Leela violently pulls shut the dressing room curtains.

"Well…ok, but when you do decide to come out of the closet, let me know, now hurry up, you're not the only one who wants to shop today," Amy says as Leela sighs.

The two girls make their way to the lingerie department where a catwalk is set up and Kiff and Zapp are standing just to the left of the stage.

"Kiff, where's my speech, I trust you've written it with a number of witty remarks but just enough so I don't sound arrogant and Kiff," Zapp says to Kiff whilst straightening his uniform.

Kiff does his characteristic groan. "Yes sir, everything is ready, but, is it really necessary that I model the underwear as well, you see I'm a little self conscious and…" Kiff trails off and shifts position awkwardly.

"As one of my men Kiff, it is expected that you will assist me in all my projects, I too am playing my part and modeling so the least you can do is pull yourself together and aid your leader in one of the only times he asks it of you. Plus, people don't want to see just abnormally attractive people like me, they want to see the average, ugly, green, squishy thing, that's where you come in."

"Yes but sir…"

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to none other than Nimbus Starship Captain, Zap Brannigan," a women's voice announces over a loud speaker. Zapp Brannigan struts out on stage wearing a velour robe grabbing Kiff by the collar and dragging him on stage too.

"Kiff give me an introduction!" Zapp pushes Kiff out on to the stage. Kiff struggles before finding the right words.

"…er…er…er…and now a big fat…er…er man who needs no introduction, erm, made famous after blowing up DOOP headquarters…" Zapp grabs Kiff by the collar again and throws him out of the way before smiling.

"Gentlemen, aliens and oh-so-sexual lad-dehs, today we are all here to, try out my new range of lingerie designed by me, for you. I've put a lot of thought into this, I have much experience in the field of ladies underwear, in fact I see one of my…interviewees, Leela would you come up on stage please?" Zapp attempts to smile sweetly yet seductively at Leela.

"Oh lord," Leela groans to herself. Zapp continues to motion her to come forward. "What! No! I wouldn't get up on stage if you paid me!" Leela crosses her arms over herself.

"Are you sure Leela, you don't know what you're missing…maybe you want some where a little more…sensual…later on?" Zapp winks at Leela, the whole audience is looking from Zapp to Leela as Zapp makes a kind of rolled 'r' sound and Leela gets more angry and embarrassed.

"Ahem…sir, I…I think we should move on with the show," Kiff says tugging on Zap's sleeve.

"What? Right, oh yes, well, without further _ad-ieu_, ladies, gentlemen and freaky aliens a like, may I present you the newest, sexiest, most sensual line in underwear, Love Zap!" A curtain falls behind Zap and he flicks off his robe revealing a pair of velour underwear in the same colour as his uniform. Zapp glares at Kiff and he reluctantly peels of his robe to reveal himself wearing nothing but a leopard print thong.

"Wooooooo! Go Kiff!" Amy whoops from the audience. Fry and Bender go over to join Amy and Leela. Fry looks up at the stage and shudders.

"Look at that big fat idiot, waltzing about just coz he _has_ underwear. Who needs underwear anyway, right Bender?" Fry looks over at Bender who is still acting sour after having to be pried out of his chair by a human.

"Bite my shiny metal ass, human. Don't try to patronize me!" Bender retorts at Fry angrily before spotting a fem-bot on stage modeling the new "iron panties". "Woah baby, I'm gonna get me some of that!" Bender suddenly loses his hatred and makes his way closer to the stage.

Zapp comes out strutting along the catwalk sporting his robe again, when reaching the end he rips off his robe and throws it at Leela as women around him scream.

"Ewwwww," Leela throws the robe at an alien who faints. Zapp winks again and points at Leela. Kiff comes out following Zapp wearing his robe as well, he tried to imitate Zapp by flinging his robe into the air at Amy but misses hopelessly and it gets caught on a stage light instead.

* * *

After the show Fry is trying to chat up one of the models from the show as Bender talks with the fem-bot. Amy and Leela are trying on lingerie. Suddenly the door to Leela's dressing room bursts open and Zapp Brannigan smiles making tiger noises in his velour robe. He is carrying some lingerie.

"Leela, for a very, voluptuous body such as yours, may I suggest something along these lines," Zapp smiles holding up a leather corset and lace up leather underwear. "The whip normally comes separately but for you Leela, I'm will to give it to you…complimentary, but we might have to…test it out first," Zapp smiles raising his eyebrows.

"What are you doing in here!" Leela cries. "Get out before I try that whip on you!"

"Well I'm sure that could be arranged …" Zapp smiles wryly. Leela knees him in the stomach and he collapses to the floor in pain. "Ooooo, a feisty one!"

"Get out!"

"Wait Leela, I need to ask you a favour," Zapp attempts to stand up.

"I don't think you're in any position to ask me any favours!"

"What if I do this?" Zap rips off his robe for the third time, underneath sporting Kiff's leopard print thong stretched dangerously tight across his groin. Leela punches him in the face. Zapp once again drops to the floor in pain, coming up revealing a purple/black eye. "So maybe, you're more of a briefs girl?" Zap smiles dizzily.

"Get out! Or you'll be getting that thong surgically removed!" Leela narrows her eyes moving her foot into striking position.

"Ok, ok, I'm going, but before I do, will you please come to my launch party with me tonight? It's just that…" a tear begins to roll down Zap's face before he bursts into tears. "The truth is, you're the only woman who ever loved me," Zapp sobs.

"I never loved you," Leela says crossly.

"No, physically."

(NB: yes I know I stole that line directly from the show but it seemed to fit just right, maybe now is a good time for a disclaimer…)

Leela's frown softened, she felt sympathy for the massive lump sobbing on the floor. "Well, ok but only because you're too sad and desperate to find anyone else," Leela sighs. Zap's face broke out again into his signature smile.

"Good, may I suggest you where this though," he holds up the leather bondage outfit again, "…for the after party."

"Try it again, and you'll be pulling a whip from out of your ass!" Leela pushes him out of the change room and shuts the curtains.

* * *

"So you like…stuff," Fry asks the blonde model. She giggles in turn.

"You're so funny Rye," she bats her eyelids.

"It's actually Fry but Rye's cool," Fry grins nervously.

Nothing happens for a minute or two's awkward silence, then suddenly Fry and the model are making out and heading towards a dressing room.

* * *

"Where's Fry? We've got to go, if we're all going to Zapp's party," Leela searches frantically for Fry.

"But Leela why are _you_ going? It's meant to be for the cute girlfriends of all the people who set up the industry, and you don't come under either of those categories," Amy points out innocently. Leela scolds her.

"Because…" she starts off her sentence angrily but then her voice drops, "…I said I'd go with Zap."

"The guy you slept with? But you hate him, plus I thought you were gay."

"For the last time I'm not gay! And I don't like him either, it's…a favour."

Amy shrugs, "ok…hey, there's Bender!" Amy points towards Bender surrounded by four fem-bots.

"…Yeah baby, you know I also killed five humans," Bender says mock-modestly.

"Wow Bender, not only are you a Spanish billionaire drug lord, you're also a pro-robot activist!" One of the fem-bots swooned over Bender. "We love you Bender, do you want to…head to my place?" The fem-bot asks playfully.

"No Bender, come with me!" Another of the fem-bots says. Then a chorus of "no come with me Bender's" breaks out.

"Hey ladies, there's enough Bender to go around," he says putting his arm around all the fem-bots.

"Bender! Come on, stop mucking around with those cheap floozies, we've got to find Fry!" Leela shouts at Bender. Bender scowls at her.

"For your information Leela, they're not cheap floozies, they're _models_!" Bender points out and the fem-bots smile defiantly.

"Well than stop mucking around with those _expensive_ floozies and let's go!" The fem-bots are shocked and move off towards Roberto, who is already showing them how he is skilled in kniving humans.

* * *

As Bender, Leela and Amy search around, Fry appears looking disheveled.

"Fry there you are! We've been looking everywhere for you!" Amy exclaims. "Woah, Fry what happened to your legs? Why are you walking like that?"

"Let's just say that I didn't know models could metamorphism into horned aliens," Fry says his voice high and strained.

"Whatever, we've got to find Zoidburg and Hermes, we're going to Zapp Brannigan's party tonight," Leela says to Fry.

"Well I think I saw Zoidburg eating ice-cream and kissing a cardboard cut out of a purple alien," Fry says in pain.

"That's right, he was going to find a Neptunian bride," Amy says.

"Stupid dumb lobster, probably too sad to afford a real one," Bender spits bitterly at Amy, "he should die along with all the humans."

"Hey! Don't spit at me!" Amy says angrily and curses at Bender in Chinese before hitting him on the head.

* * *

Well, there we go, I thought it was kind of better than the last chapter but not as good as the first. But at least it has Zapp + bondage, lolololorz! Anyway, yes to Shayleemad, I tried my best, sorry Zapp couldn't spit at Amy, the moment wasn't right. Thanks to all the reviewers again, I feel for you all being subjected to my method of torture I like to call writing MMWWWAAAAHAHAHAHA, yes…moving right along… shuffles about awkwardly keep reviewing even if they're flames! 


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